Long Week, Longer Day

So today I took my state boards again with hopes that this time I will pass it and finally be able to call myself a registered nurse...of course, I'm going to have to wait at least until Tuesday to find out if I passed or not. So this week was full of last minute studying of facts, normal lab values, pharmacology (medical drugs for those lay people out there) and a bunch of tips about how to go about reading and then deducing what the question is asking and which of the possible answers are the MOST correct (yes, this means that there were questions where more than one, and sometimes all, possible options listed were correct and not just one right answer). On top of the studying I also had a job interview for a nursing home 40 minutes away this past Tuesday. They offered me a job as a nurse on the graveyard shift...although nothing is finalized until it is known whether or not I passed the boards. And then I actually did something not of the norm for my usual hermit existence: I went out for coffee with a friend....GASP!

So now I'm unwinding from the long day of getting up at 5 am to leave the house at 6 to drive 1.5 hours to sit for an exam which took another 1.5 hours and then to turn around and drive another 1.5 hours home. Tomorrow I have my shift at the nursery where I go to play with kids ages 0-5 years for two hours. And then I think I'll eat chocolate and read romance novels. Cest la vie.

Musings and so forth

Here I am, sitting in front of my computer at half past midnight, and contemplating my life from various angles. It's been a decent life thus far, nothing academy award worthy, but surly it's not been too dull. But it has occurred to me (one too many times in fact) that I am truly only a shadow of who I really could be. I have dreams and hopes for what I want out of life. I have ambition and plans. But what I don't seem to have is courage. I went from being a socially awkward and very invisible little girl to a social awkward hermit 20 something year old woman. I preach female empowerment, spiritual well-being, and personal growth, and yet I look back and wonder just how much I embody of what I believe in.

Now, I don't ask for pity or free hand-outs, like some might do, but it has occurred to me that if I want to achieve what my life is destined to be, I need to take steps now before I've implanted myself too deeply in the mud. That is why I feel it is now important for me to start living like a 20 something year old woman and not the president of The Future Crazy Cat Ladies of America Association.

So here I am, newly graduated from college, no job, no friends, no life. Pathetic really. Friday nights I'm at home with my 50 something year old parents (whom I currently live with). I spend a good deal of my time either on the internet or reading romance novels. I don't know anyone in my town, I'm single (of course) because my one and only boyfriend turned out to be a nice enough guy, but not a good guy for me. And I happen to wonder if my thoughts of finding true love and friendship via dating websites was really all that good an idea to begin with. (I think the 2 guys who actually contacted me - and wanted citizenship no less - was a good indicator of the people I'd continue to find.) So do I have plan? I think so. I think what I need to do is actually get out there.

So now it's 1 am, and thinking that change in my life is possible. That I may one day actually become the woman I dream of being. But of what my socially awkward tendencies...believe me, I have a few....well, that's what this blog for, a documentation of the confessions of a socially awkward twenty-something. Stay tuned readers, the show has just begun.