Musings and so forth

Here I am, sitting in front of my computer at half past midnight, and contemplating my life from various angles. It's been a decent life thus far, nothing academy award worthy, but surly it's not been too dull. But it has occurred to me (one too many times in fact) that I am truly only a shadow of who I really could be. I have dreams and hopes for what I want out of life. I have ambition and plans. But what I don't seem to have is courage. I went from being a socially awkward and very invisible little girl to a social awkward hermit 20 something year old woman. I preach female empowerment, spiritual well-being, and personal growth, and yet I look back and wonder just how much I embody of what I believe in.

Now, I don't ask for pity or free hand-outs, like some might do, but it has occurred to me that if I want to achieve what my life is destined to be, I need to take steps now before I've implanted myself too deeply in the mud. That is why I feel it is now important for me to start living like a 20 something year old woman and not the president of The Future Crazy Cat Ladies of America Association.

So here I am, newly graduated from college, no job, no friends, no life. Pathetic really. Friday nights I'm at home with my 50 something year old parents (whom I currently live with). I spend a good deal of my time either on the internet or reading romance novels. I don't know anyone in my town, I'm single (of course) because my one and only boyfriend turned out to be a nice enough guy, but not a good guy for me. And I happen to wonder if my thoughts of finding true love and friendship via dating websites was really all that good an idea to begin with. (I think the 2 guys who actually contacted me - and wanted citizenship no less - was a good indicator of the people I'd continue to find.) So do I have plan? I think so. I think what I need to do is actually get out there.

So now it's 1 am, and thinking that change in my life is possible. That I may one day actually become the woman I dream of being. But of what my socially awkward tendencies...believe me, I have a few....well, that's what this blog for, a documentation of the confessions of a socially awkward twenty-something. Stay tuned readers, the show has just begun.